So the next morning upon waking I was keen to get out of bed so I could go to the nicu. Surprisingly my pain levels were quite good, I managed to get up and have a shower. Had my breakfast, and then waited, and waited... - I had to wait for an orderly to come and wheel me to the nicu (it was quite a hike to get there). He finally came and I got to do a quick trip to the nicu - wow, my little man was tiny. How had I forgotten how tiny these babies were - it was only 5 years since I had my daughter, and she wasn't much bigger at birth, but wow - he was tiny (actually he was a decent size for his gestation).
He was doing as well as could be expected at that stage. I remembered from my previous nicu stint though, that there was what they called a "honeymoon period" where babies seemed to do extremely well for a bit, and then all the bumps would start to hit.
We that night was the end of our honeymoon period, and I so wasn't ready for it to hit us that soon. I had a call from the neonatologist in the very early hours of the morning (when you're a nicu mum you panic everytime your phone rings, but when it happens in the middle of the night you know it must be bad). Our little man, who we'd named Jai, was really struggling - he had a collapsed lung and was in desperate need of a blood transfusion. I don't know that I realised just how desperate things were that night - but as I have kept in very close contact with one of the nurses, who I now call my friend - she was actually caring for Jai on that particular night - it wasn't until I caught up with her again many months after our nicu journey ended, that she explained to me just how dire things were on that particular night. She even managed to write in his journal - thinking that it might be the last chance, but not ever letting on to me at the time how bad it was.
So not only did we have all of this going on, we also then had the first of many cranial ultrasounds - of all the things in the nicu - these scared me the most - I could handle lumbar punctures, blood tests and many other things, but ultrasounds really scared me - and I had good reason to be scared - Jai had 2 grade 2 bleeds - I know it could be worse, but this really hit me hard.
I don't know how I did it, but I refused to let any of this get me down - yes, I was absolutely terrified - but I was never going to give up hope. We'd fought tooth and nail to be able to even have a second child, and he was here and fighting - so I was going to help him in that fight.
I pulled myself back from friends, family and the "real world" for a few days while I pulled myself together. I concentrated fully on my son, and being with him as much as I possibly could. After all, love can conquer anything right??
And guess what, he started to improve.
Whilst I was a patient in the hospital though, I found it extremely hard to see him as much as I needed to. I had to be back by my bedside for meals and medications (I was on triple iv antibiotics) - I only took morphine the night of my C-section, panadeine forte the next day and night, then just plain old paracetamol the next day. By day 4 I was begging to be discharged - I was completely off pain meds, and my infection levels had finally gotten low enough that they decided it was ok to put me onto oral antibiotics instead of the iv ones - and they let me go, far earlier than they wanted to - but they knew I wouldn't give in until they let me leave.
I moved into Ronald McDonald house, and that's when things started to get a little easier...
Saturday, 14 March 2015
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
A miracle is born
So 10th March 2015 was a little different than what we had hoped & planned for.
Through the middle of the night I got up to go to the toilet - when I returned to bed I can remember feeling really cold and shivering. I'd had my fan going as it'd been quite warm in my room prior to that, so I switched it off, added an extra blanket and snuggled back into bed and went to sleep.
My nurse came in early that morning to do my observations - first check, temperature....... - it was high, really high :(
Next thing I know they have called my specialist obstetrician and I am being hooked up to triple iv antibiotics and also getting bloods taken. I don't know that I was really functioning, or what was exactly happening. Obviously they thought I had an infection, but in my mind I think I believed that they could connect me to all these iv's and it would all be sorted. How wrong was I.
My specialist walked in just a few moments before my husband. Her words to him were, have you been filled in on what's happening?? I said, I haven't told him anything other than I might have an infection, as I don't really know what is happening myself. She comforted both of us as she said that our baby would be delivered THAT day!!
24 weeks and 6 days gestation - to say I was scared was an absolute understatement. My iv antibiotics were pushed through and then I was started on the magnesium drip once again whilst we waited for a theatre & surgeon (I had to deliver in the public hospital where the nicu was, but my specialist had not yet had her certification cleared to operate in that theatre). So much was going through my head, I was so not ready for this - I knew the risks, and knew all too well that the chances of our baby being born alive were dwindling quickly and if by chance our baby did survive, what would their future be like. An anaesthetist came in to see me to talk me through the procedure and signed off paperwork - he was lovely, but he said he wouldn't unfortunately be there for the delivery as he was just helping them out on a ridiculously busy day.
I was finally wheeled up to the theatre waiting area, where we basically waited some more. May people tried to lift my spirits, but it just wasn't working. Hubby got suited up in his scrubs as he planned to be there with me all the way - but hey, nothing was going right - my blood pressure was ridiculously low - I have low blood pressure anyhow, but this was much much lower. They tried all sorts of tricks to get it to rise, but it just didn't work - this unfortunately meant that it wasn't safe for me to be awake for the procedure, and I would need to have a general anaesthetic - this also meant that my hubby would not be able to enter the theatre with me.
I was eventually wheeled in, and I was a MESS!! I honestly felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. Low and behold - the anaesthetist who said he wouldn't be there for my C-section, was actually there - he was so lovely, and between him rubbing my forehead and one of the nurses holding my hand, the two of them together managed to calm me down slightly while I waited. I could not be given any anaesthesia until the surgeon was there and ready to cut me open - as they did not want bub getting any of it and being sleeping. I had to have the catheter put in twice (first time didn't work) and get completely prepped which they normally do after you-re asleep, all whilst being wide awake. This is so not a normal situation.
After what felt like forever, I nodded off to sleep - and upon waking up in recovery my first question was, how is my baby. It was a boy, born at 3.26pm weighing a very healthy 800grams, and although they almost lost him, he was doing ok and had been whisked away to nicu. I was taken back to my room at the private hospital as I was on some pretty extensive medications. Hubby spent a lot between the nicu and with myself.
It wasn't until late the next morning that I got to visit my new little man.
Through the middle of the night I got up to go to the toilet - when I returned to bed I can remember feeling really cold and shivering. I'd had my fan going as it'd been quite warm in my room prior to that, so I switched it off, added an extra blanket and snuggled back into bed and went to sleep.
My nurse came in early that morning to do my observations - first check, temperature....... - it was high, really high :(
Next thing I know they have called my specialist obstetrician and I am being hooked up to triple iv antibiotics and also getting bloods taken. I don't know that I was really functioning, or what was exactly happening. Obviously they thought I had an infection, but in my mind I think I believed that they could connect me to all these iv's and it would all be sorted. How wrong was I.
My specialist walked in just a few moments before my husband. Her words to him were, have you been filled in on what's happening?? I said, I haven't told him anything other than I might have an infection, as I don't really know what is happening myself. She comforted both of us as she said that our baby would be delivered THAT day!!
24 weeks and 6 days gestation - to say I was scared was an absolute understatement. My iv antibiotics were pushed through and then I was started on the magnesium drip once again whilst we waited for a theatre & surgeon (I had to deliver in the public hospital where the nicu was, but my specialist had not yet had her certification cleared to operate in that theatre). So much was going through my head, I was so not ready for this - I knew the risks, and knew all too well that the chances of our baby being born alive were dwindling quickly and if by chance our baby did survive, what would their future be like. An anaesthetist came in to see me to talk me through the procedure and signed off paperwork - he was lovely, but he said he wouldn't unfortunately be there for the delivery as he was just helping them out on a ridiculously busy day.
I was finally wheeled up to the theatre waiting area, where we basically waited some more. May people tried to lift my spirits, but it just wasn't working. Hubby got suited up in his scrubs as he planned to be there with me all the way - but hey, nothing was going right - my blood pressure was ridiculously low - I have low blood pressure anyhow, but this was much much lower. They tried all sorts of tricks to get it to rise, but it just didn't work - this unfortunately meant that it wasn't safe for me to be awake for the procedure, and I would need to have a general anaesthetic - this also meant that my hubby would not be able to enter the theatre with me.
I was eventually wheeled in, and I was a MESS!! I honestly felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. Low and behold - the anaesthetist who said he wouldn't be there for my C-section, was actually there - he was so lovely, and between him rubbing my forehead and one of the nurses holding my hand, the two of them together managed to calm me down slightly while I waited. I could not be given any anaesthesia until the surgeon was there and ready to cut me open - as they did not want bub getting any of it and being sleeping. I had to have the catheter put in twice (first time didn't work) and get completely prepped which they normally do after you-re asleep, all whilst being wide awake. This is so not a normal situation.
After what felt like forever, I nodded off to sleep - and upon waking up in recovery my first question was, how is my baby. It was a boy, born at 3.26pm weighing a very healthy 800grams, and although they almost lost him, he was doing ok and had been whisked away to nicu. I was taken back to my room at the private hospital as I was on some pretty extensive medications. Hubby spent a lot between the nicu and with myself.
It wasn't until late the next morning that I got to visit my new little man.
Monday, 9 March 2015
New hope
Upon arrival in Hobart, my new team of specialists came and introduced themselves. They were absolutely amazing and would do everything possible in their power to bring my baby safely in to this world, but not a day earlier than was absolutely necessary.
I was started on antibiotics, progesterone (rectally to reduce risk of infection), regular blood tests to check for infection, magnesium to help protect bub if I did go into labour, steroids for bub's lungs, and also medication to stop contractions (even though I wasn't having any at that stage) and round the clock observations. I was told that generally the first sign of infection, is tightening's in the uterus, or just not feeling quite right in myself.
I was hopeful - after all, I had done this before - my daughter was born just 5 years earlier, but I didn't get an infection with her, I just went into labour - but I had a stitch this time - I was putting all my faith into that stitch!!
That night I was taken away for an in depth scan of bub, just to see if there was any fluid left and to double check that all was ok. Bub was estimated to be around 700 grams at this point, which is a fantastic size for gestation. Very little fluid unfortunately, but bub was happy & healthy. They weren't able to confirm gender for me (I had forgotten to ask my ob at my 20 weeks scan to confirm haha) due to the lack of fluid.
My team of specialists made sure that I was aware, that the only thing worse than an extremely premature baby, is an extremely premature sick baby - so any signs at all of infection, or further complications, then I would be rushed off for an emergency C-section.
I had a meeting with the head neonatologist, whom I had gotten to know quite well from when my daughter was born, and had to have a conversation that no one ever wants to have about whether to resuscitate, or fight for bub's life if he/she was to be born soon. At 24 weeks, bub had only a 50% chance of survival, and that was if he/she was born healthy. I had fought so hard for this pregnancy, and at no stage was I ever going to give up on this miracle. My decision was that I placed full trust in the specialist team, and if they thought we were fighting a losing battle, then I would leave the decision up to them - if bub had a chance, then I wanted them to help us fight for it though.
All was going perfectly well. My ultimate goal was to reach 32 weeks, although as a smaller goal we thought we could aim for 25 weeks first - each day was a bonus though.
On the 10th March 2015, we were to be tested once again...
I was started on antibiotics, progesterone (rectally to reduce risk of infection), regular blood tests to check for infection, magnesium to help protect bub if I did go into labour, steroids for bub's lungs, and also medication to stop contractions (even though I wasn't having any at that stage) and round the clock observations. I was told that generally the first sign of infection, is tightening's in the uterus, or just not feeling quite right in myself.
I was hopeful - after all, I had done this before - my daughter was born just 5 years earlier, but I didn't get an infection with her, I just went into labour - but I had a stitch this time - I was putting all my faith into that stitch!!
That night I was taken away for an in depth scan of bub, just to see if there was any fluid left and to double check that all was ok. Bub was estimated to be around 700 grams at this point, which is a fantastic size for gestation. Very little fluid unfortunately, but bub was happy & healthy. They weren't able to confirm gender for me (I had forgotten to ask my ob at my 20 weeks scan to confirm haha) due to the lack of fluid.
My team of specialists made sure that I was aware, that the only thing worse than an extremely premature baby, is an extremely premature sick baby - so any signs at all of infection, or further complications, then I would be rushed off for an emergency C-section.
I had a meeting with the head neonatologist, whom I had gotten to know quite well from when my daughter was born, and had to have a conversation that no one ever wants to have about whether to resuscitate, or fight for bub's life if he/she was to be born soon. At 24 weeks, bub had only a 50% chance of survival, and that was if he/she was born healthy. I had fought so hard for this pregnancy, and at no stage was I ever going to give up on this miracle. My decision was that I placed full trust in the specialist team, and if they thought we were fighting a losing battle, then I would leave the decision up to them - if bub had a chance, then I wanted them to help us fight for it though.
All was going perfectly well. My ultimate goal was to reach 32 weeks, although as a smaller goal we thought we could aim for 25 weeks first - each day was a bonus though.
On the 10th March 2015, we were to be tested once again...
Saturday, 7 March 2015
Then it all turned to shit
Friday March 6th 2015 was almost like any other day - I was now 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant, but it was also my daughters 5th birthday.
I was so excited - I had planned an amazing birthday party for her the next day, with all of her friends, and as a surprise, her favourite face painter. The entire party was perfectly planned out and I had nothing else to organise for it.
That day I walked out the door to head to work, pointing at my tummy with a silly comment "today is not your day, so no funny business thankyou". Little did I know at the time, that this particular day my world would be thrown upside down.
I was at work and just returning to my desk after a trip to the toilet - just as I got back to my desk I felt a strange leak - thinking it was just discharge, I sat down at my desk. Curiosity got the better of me though and I thought I'd better head back to the toilet and just double check. As I stood up, I felt more leakage. I sat back down, tried to gather my thoughts, but obviously started stressing - I was determined that I needed to go check things out, so I got up again only to have more leakage. By this point I knew exactly what was going on.
I quickly phoned my mum, as I knew that she was the closest person to come help - "I think my waters have broken" I said to her in a panic on the phone. She said she would be straight there to pick me up - whilst I was on the phone to her, I was shutting down my work computer. I then snuck out the back door without telling a soul what was happening. Whilst walking out, I had a lot more leakage - my membranes had definitely ruptured and I now looked like I had wet my pants. I stood by my own car waiting for my mum as I rang my midwife - not game to sit in my car while I waited, as it was a brand new car and I didn't want to ruin the seat with amniotic fluid - still can't believe that thoughts like that even crossed my mind with what I was going through.
Whilst mum drove me home so we could pack my things I called my hubby - absolutely heartbroken, he dropped everything to come home to me. My gorgeous little girl packed my hospital bag for me, and did a fantastic job, even packing my special teddy bear. I don't think she fully understood what was happening. I phoned my boss and said that I was heading into the hospital with "baby trouble" - didn't know how to tell him that my maternity leave would be starting immediately.
I was surprisingly calm through the whole ordeal. This was exactly what I had gone through 5 years earlier with my daughter, I knew this pregnancy was a lot earlier which had it's own risks, but I had confidence that this time I had a stitch in place and that would keep baby inside.
On arrival to my local hospital, it was confirmed that I had fully ruptured and that I would need to go to a larger hospital with a high level nicu. This particular hospital was about 4 hours away. There were arguments over whether I would be flying or going in an ambulance - the weather was bad, and they didn't want me flying with too much turbulence. They then sent normal ambulance personnel to get me - my midwife refused to let me go into their care and said that I need to have an intensive care paramedic just in case bub did try to make an appearance. I left the hospital in the ambulance, still not knowing if we were going to the airport, or doing the long trip in the ambulance - 10 minutes down the road we got a call to go to the airport.
Surprisingly it was a calm trip. I tried to pretend I was sleeping most of the way. By the time I arrived at Hobart Private Hospital, I had explained what was going on with far too many health professionals - I know it's their job to do it, but seriously when someone is going through that kind of situation, the last thing you need to be doing is repeating the story again and again.
I was all alone. I had asked my husband to stay home and still hold my daughters birthday before coming to Hobart to be with me. I did not want to ruin my daughters birthday - kids just don't understand.
I was so excited - I had planned an amazing birthday party for her the next day, with all of her friends, and as a surprise, her favourite face painter. The entire party was perfectly planned out and I had nothing else to organise for it.
That day I walked out the door to head to work, pointing at my tummy with a silly comment "today is not your day, so no funny business thankyou". Little did I know at the time, that this particular day my world would be thrown upside down.
I was at work and just returning to my desk after a trip to the toilet - just as I got back to my desk I felt a strange leak - thinking it was just discharge, I sat down at my desk. Curiosity got the better of me though and I thought I'd better head back to the toilet and just double check. As I stood up, I felt more leakage. I sat back down, tried to gather my thoughts, but obviously started stressing - I was determined that I needed to go check things out, so I got up again only to have more leakage. By this point I knew exactly what was going on.
I quickly phoned my mum, as I knew that she was the closest person to come help - "I think my waters have broken" I said to her in a panic on the phone. She said she would be straight there to pick me up - whilst I was on the phone to her, I was shutting down my work computer. I then snuck out the back door without telling a soul what was happening. Whilst walking out, I had a lot more leakage - my membranes had definitely ruptured and I now looked like I had wet my pants. I stood by my own car waiting for my mum as I rang my midwife - not game to sit in my car while I waited, as it was a brand new car and I didn't want to ruin the seat with amniotic fluid - still can't believe that thoughts like that even crossed my mind with what I was going through.
Whilst mum drove me home so we could pack my things I called my hubby - absolutely heartbroken, he dropped everything to come home to me. My gorgeous little girl packed my hospital bag for me, and did a fantastic job, even packing my special teddy bear. I don't think she fully understood what was happening. I phoned my boss and said that I was heading into the hospital with "baby trouble" - didn't know how to tell him that my maternity leave would be starting immediately.
I was surprisingly calm through the whole ordeal. This was exactly what I had gone through 5 years earlier with my daughter, I knew this pregnancy was a lot earlier which had it's own risks, but I had confidence that this time I had a stitch in place and that would keep baby inside.
On arrival to my local hospital, it was confirmed that I had fully ruptured and that I would need to go to a larger hospital with a high level nicu. This particular hospital was about 4 hours away. There were arguments over whether I would be flying or going in an ambulance - the weather was bad, and they didn't want me flying with too much turbulence. They then sent normal ambulance personnel to get me - my midwife refused to let me go into their care and said that I need to have an intensive care paramedic just in case bub did try to make an appearance. I left the hospital in the ambulance, still not knowing if we were going to the airport, or doing the long trip in the ambulance - 10 minutes down the road we got a call to go to the airport.
Surprisingly it was a calm trip. I tried to pretend I was sleeping most of the way. By the time I arrived at Hobart Private Hospital, I had explained what was going on with far too many health professionals - I know it's their job to do it, but seriously when someone is going through that kind of situation, the last thing you need to be doing is repeating the story again and again.
I was all alone. I had asked my husband to stay home and still hold my daughters birthday before coming to Hobart to be with me. I did not want to ruin my daughters birthday - kids just don't understand.
Thursday, 5 March 2015
The joys of pregnancy
I had my first appointment with my obstetrician on 19th November - he was amazed, not only that I had managed to fall pregnant after what I had been through, but that I had this perfect little person growing inside me.
I was suffering morning sickness - or actually, all day nausea more to the point. I had not suffered at all when I was pregnant with my daughter, so this was something different!! As long as I had food on hand at all times, and ate something small like a dry biscuit every hour, I was fine - but if I got busy and couldn't eat something (like when I was in meetings at work), then I felt awful!!
I did ask a few questions about how my pregnancy would be managed, and I was told that I would have fortnightly checks until 3rd trimester, and that he was confident that the stitch I had in place would hold everything together.
I had my scheduled scans at 11 weeks and 13 weeks, then my next scan was at 16 weeks. At this scan I had done some more research and thought that there were other things we should be doing to maximise my chances of taking this pregnancy to term, or atleast close to. All of my concerns were brushed off and I was told that everything was unnecessary - progesterone (told it wouldn't help due to not having any cervix), clexane (not required as I was still moving around), antibiotics (only required if infection is proven), bed rest (just silly - the stitch would hold), infection swabs/checks (not required, swabs would only increase the risk of infection).
My next scan was then scheduled for 19 weeks (my morphology scan) - so already the scans had been stretched from fortnightly to every three weeks! All went perfectly at this scan, and the sonographer told us she thought bub was a little boy - although said to confirm with our obstetrician at our next appointment which was the following week.
At this next appointment, I was curious to get a detailed report from the morphology scan - particularly on how my "cervix" was holding up. I was told that the stitch was still holding perfectly fine and that everything was perfect with bub - measuring quite a decent size! I was told that I didn't need to be seen now until 25 weeks - so now my appointments were being stretched even further apart.
My stress levels were getting quite high. I just wanted to make it to viability. I was so nervous that I would lose this baby, that no one was taking my concerns seriously - but I didn't really have any other options - I had to place my trust in my obstetrician - he had been practicing for many many years, and my gyne/onc was confident that he was the best person to look after me.
On Wednesday 4th March 2015, I was sooooo excited to hit 24 weeks that I took my first belly photos!!!
Little did I know at the time, these would be my ONLY belly photos.
I was suffering morning sickness - or actually, all day nausea more to the point. I had not suffered at all when I was pregnant with my daughter, so this was something different!! As long as I had food on hand at all times, and ate something small like a dry biscuit every hour, I was fine - but if I got busy and couldn't eat something (like when I was in meetings at work), then I felt awful!!
I did ask a few questions about how my pregnancy would be managed, and I was told that I would have fortnightly checks until 3rd trimester, and that he was confident that the stitch I had in place would hold everything together.
I had my scheduled scans at 11 weeks and 13 weeks, then my next scan was at 16 weeks. At this scan I had done some more research and thought that there were other things we should be doing to maximise my chances of taking this pregnancy to term, or atleast close to. All of my concerns were brushed off and I was told that everything was unnecessary - progesterone (told it wouldn't help due to not having any cervix), clexane (not required as I was still moving around), antibiotics (only required if infection is proven), bed rest (just silly - the stitch would hold), infection swabs/checks (not required, swabs would only increase the risk of infection).
My next scan was then scheduled for 19 weeks (my morphology scan) - so already the scans had been stretched from fortnightly to every three weeks! All went perfectly at this scan, and the sonographer told us she thought bub was a little boy - although said to confirm with our obstetrician at our next appointment which was the following week.
At this next appointment, I was curious to get a detailed report from the morphology scan - particularly on how my "cervix" was holding up. I was told that the stitch was still holding perfectly fine and that everything was perfect with bub - measuring quite a decent size! I was told that I didn't need to be seen now until 25 weeks - so now my appointments were being stretched even further apart.
My stress levels were getting quite high. I just wanted to make it to viability. I was so nervous that I would lose this baby, that no one was taking my concerns seriously - but I didn't really have any other options - I had to place my trust in my obstetrician - he had been practicing for many many years, and my gyne/onc was confident that he was the best person to look after me.
On Wednesday 4th March 2015, I was sooooo excited to hit 24 weeks that I took my first belly photos!!!
Little did I know at the time, these would be my ONLY belly photos.
Sunday, 9 November 2014
The first weeks
It still did not feel real - could i really be pregnant. Sure i was tired, crabby & my boobs sure hurt a lot, but i felt like i was living in a dream.
Only two days after my blood test i started spotting - brown spotting. I had quite a lot of it between week 5-6, scary, but at the same time i knew that if something was going wrong, there was nothing much that could be done at this stage anyhow. Between week 6-7 the spotting was much much lighter and only appeared a few times - mainly after opening my bowels, so tried to believe that it was just old blood from implantation or something.
The day of my scan finally arrived - i had convinced myself that something was wrong, so i left my daughter with my mum for the day whilst myself and hubby headed off for our appointment.
After waiting for what felt like forever in the waiting room, we were finally called in.
I told him how nervous i was and he said that even for him, this first scan was the most scary part of the whole process. He said that he would be quick and would tell us straight away if it was good news, or bad.
Well - it was fantastic news!! Baby was growing well and had a very healthy heart beat. Baby was measuring around 1.1cm and heart beat was approx 143bpm.
He even put pictures onto USB for us.
It really was real!!
We do finally have a baby on board!! Now we are completely over the moon. We really had started to believe that this would never happen for us.
My fertility specialist has now referred us to a specialist obgyn and our next scan is scheduled for 19th Nov. I will be classed as a high risk pregnancy, so it is going to be interesting to see how this all pans out.
Will keep you all updated xx
Only two days after my blood test i started spotting - brown spotting. I had quite a lot of it between week 5-6, scary, but at the same time i knew that if something was going wrong, there was nothing much that could be done at this stage anyhow. Between week 6-7 the spotting was much much lighter and only appeared a few times - mainly after opening my bowels, so tried to believe that it was just old blood from implantation or something.
The day of my scan finally arrived - i had convinced myself that something was wrong, so i left my daughter with my mum for the day whilst myself and hubby headed off for our appointment.
After waiting for what felt like forever in the waiting room, we were finally called in.
I told him how nervous i was and he said that even for him, this first scan was the most scary part of the whole process. He said that he would be quick and would tell us straight away if it was good news, or bad.
Well - it was fantastic news!! Baby was growing well and had a very healthy heart beat. Baby was measuring around 1.1cm and heart beat was approx 143bpm.
He even put pictures onto USB for us.
It really was real!!
We do finally have a baby on board!! Now we are completely over the moon. We really had started to believe that this would never happen for us.
My fertility specialist has now referred us to a specialist obgyn and our next scan is scheduled for 19th Nov. I will be classed as a high risk pregnancy, so it is going to be interesting to see how this all pans out.
Will keep you all updated xx
Monday, 20 October 2014
Are you sure...
After my transfer i had to use crinone twice daily for 12 days and pregnyl injections every 3 days.
It was the first time i had to use these as this was my first ever fresh transfer.
Let's just say i felt like total CRAP!!!
I knew that these injections would delay my period, and when it still hadn't shown up by test day i was still sure it was on it's way any moment. I even considered not doing my pregnancy test as i was certain of what the result would be - i was ready to ring up the clinic and organise my medicines ready to start again.
But... i thought i'd better do the test as they would ask me about it anyhow. Almost instantly, two lines appeared. No way, it couldn't be possible, it must be a mistake.
I phoned the clinic to advise them and headed to pathology for my blood test. Sure that the result would still say that it wasn't really happening.
When the clinic phoned me with the results though i was absolutely blown away. "are you sitting down" she said over the phone, "yes" i replied - my hcg level was over 1100!! No way, it really was happening - apparently at this stage of pregnancy they only expect a level over 160 - mine was way higher than that!!
I was a crying blubbering mess on the phone - guess they must be used to that though.
So was booked in for my first scan on 6th November - by this stage i would be 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
It was the first time i had to use these as this was my first ever fresh transfer.
Let's just say i felt like total CRAP!!!
I knew that these injections would delay my period, and when it still hadn't shown up by test day i was still sure it was on it's way any moment. I even considered not doing my pregnancy test as i was certain of what the result would be - i was ready to ring up the clinic and organise my medicines ready to start again.
But... i thought i'd better do the test as they would ask me about it anyhow. Almost instantly, two lines appeared. No way, it couldn't be possible, it must be a mistake.
I phoned the clinic to advise them and headed to pathology for my blood test. Sure that the result would still say that it wasn't really happening.
When the clinic phoned me with the results though i was absolutely blown away. "are you sitting down" she said over the phone, "yes" i replied - my hcg level was over 1100!! No way, it really was happening - apparently at this stage of pregnancy they only expect a level over 160 - mine was way higher than that!!
I was a crying blubbering mess on the phone - guess they must be used to that though.
So was booked in for my first scan on 6th November - by this stage i would be 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
Friday, 26 September 2014
More disappointmets
So at my scan on 25th September it appeared that my new lower dosage of medications meant that my ovaries have "underperformed" and only 2 follicles looking like they will do anything. How do we go from 28 eggs the cycle before, to only two this time!!
After a lot of consideration from my fertility specialist, and the threaten to cancel the cycle, he agreed to up my medications slightly and re-scan in a few days to see if we had anything else happening.
Had my re-scan on Monday 29th September and looked like we had around 8-10 follicles, which was a minor miracle after only having two a few days before!
Agreed to trigger shot that night ready for pick up on Wednesday morning.
Wednesday came and i was feeling extremely hopeful. I came out of theatre and was told that they only got 5 eggs!! Only 5, my heart shattered again, but i tried to remain positive.
I was advised of the usual procedure - phone in the next day to see how fertilisation had gone. I made my phone call, quietly hopeful, but was told only to eggs had fertilised!!
I was absolutely heartbroken. We were booked in for embryo transfer the next day, and i was sure that there wasn't going to be anything there to even transfer. I had my heart set on having a blastocyst transfer, but there was no way we could risk growing on only two embryo's to that stage.
After the 3 hour plus drive to the hospital on the Friday morning i was absolutely shocked that my phone did not ring during the trip (to tell me my embryo's had not survived), and on arrival was told that both embryo's were doing well - one to be transferred and one headed to the freezer.
The whole cycle was a crazy mess and even when i finally got called into Theatre for my transfer, it still felt like a mess - i didn't even have a bed yet as they had so many patients in there that morning! Everything felt to rushed, so much so that i wasn't even asleep when the doctor inserted the needle for the embryo - ooops, said the anesthetist and injected some more drugs. I even woke up while they were transferring me from the Theatre bed to a hospital bed to take me to recovery. Of all my times in Theatre, this had never happened before.
I had basically completely given up on this cycle before it even started - i had no confidence at all.
After a lot of consideration from my fertility specialist, and the threaten to cancel the cycle, he agreed to up my medications slightly and re-scan in a few days to see if we had anything else happening.
Had my re-scan on Monday 29th September and looked like we had around 8-10 follicles, which was a minor miracle after only having two a few days before!
Agreed to trigger shot that night ready for pick up on Wednesday morning.
Wednesday came and i was feeling extremely hopeful. I came out of theatre and was told that they only got 5 eggs!! Only 5, my heart shattered again, but i tried to remain positive.
I was advised of the usual procedure - phone in the next day to see how fertilisation had gone. I made my phone call, quietly hopeful, but was told only to eggs had fertilised!!
I was absolutely heartbroken. We were booked in for embryo transfer the next day, and i was sure that there wasn't going to be anything there to even transfer. I had my heart set on having a blastocyst transfer, but there was no way we could risk growing on only two embryo's to that stage.
After the 3 hour plus drive to the hospital on the Friday morning i was absolutely shocked that my phone did not ring during the trip (to tell me my embryo's had not survived), and on arrival was told that both embryo's were doing well - one to be transferred and one headed to the freezer.
The whole cycle was a crazy mess and even when i finally got called into Theatre for my transfer, it still felt like a mess - i didn't even have a bed yet as they had so many patients in there that morning! Everything felt to rushed, so much so that i wasn't even asleep when the doctor inserted the needle for the embryo - ooops, said the anesthetist and injected some more drugs. I even woke up while they were transferring me from the Theatre bed to a hospital bed to take me to recovery. Of all my times in Theatre, this had never happened before.
I had basically completely given up on this cycle before it even started - i had no confidence at all.
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
And so it begins again
So after my unsuccessful embryo transfer in June it was time for me to look at my situation and work out where to from here!!
I spoke to one of my Gynae Oncologists to get some reassurance that everything was ok - he said he had no doubt that all was ok. He also said that some women have problems conceiving a second time after a completely normal pregnancy anyhow, but my case is further compounded by having had such a major surgery. He has complete confidence in my fertility specialist, so that was certainly reassuring.
After all of the events of the past few years, we decided that it was time to have a short break from it all - only a couple of months, but that couple of months was enough time for me to "look at the bigger picture". Emotionally now i feel much more stable - i am now comfortable with the fact that the universe has something in store for me, who knows what, or why. I am so lucky to have my beautiful daughter already and even though i am going to continue to try for another baby in the short term, i am also comfortable with the fact that this may not happen for me.
We still have one frozen blastocyst, although decided to give ourselves the best chance possible we would leave that little one on ice for a bit longer and try for a fresh transfer.
This time my fertility specialist has decided on a "Pill Flare Cycle" for me. I was on the pill for two weeks, then had to wait for my period to arrive (which happened yesterday) - so tonight i start nightly injections of Puregon - my dosage is only 100 this time though, as last time it was 150 and we got far too many eggs which potentially caused problems with the quality of them. On day 6 of my cycle i need to start Orgalutran injections.
We are also going to grow all of my embryo's straight on to blastocyst stage this time - last time they were all frozen at 2 days old, and then when we decided to go for blastocyst we had to thaw them to advance and then re-freeze which can also take away from their quality.
Have a scan scheduled for 25th September, so will hopefully know more about what is happening after that.
Keeping my fingers crossed. If it's meant to be, then it will be :)
I spoke to one of my Gynae Oncologists to get some reassurance that everything was ok - he said he had no doubt that all was ok. He also said that some women have problems conceiving a second time after a completely normal pregnancy anyhow, but my case is further compounded by having had such a major surgery. He has complete confidence in my fertility specialist, so that was certainly reassuring.
After all of the events of the past few years, we decided that it was time to have a short break from it all - only a couple of months, but that couple of months was enough time for me to "look at the bigger picture". Emotionally now i feel much more stable - i am now comfortable with the fact that the universe has something in store for me, who knows what, or why. I am so lucky to have my beautiful daughter already and even though i am going to continue to try for another baby in the short term, i am also comfortable with the fact that this may not happen for me.
We still have one frozen blastocyst, although decided to give ourselves the best chance possible we would leave that little one on ice for a bit longer and try for a fresh transfer.
This time my fertility specialist has decided on a "Pill Flare Cycle" for me. I was on the pill for two weeks, then had to wait for my period to arrive (which happened yesterday) - so tonight i start nightly injections of Puregon - my dosage is only 100 this time though, as last time it was 150 and we got far too many eggs which potentially caused problems with the quality of them. On day 6 of my cycle i need to start Orgalutran injections.
We are also going to grow all of my embryo's straight on to blastocyst stage this time - last time they were all frozen at 2 days old, and then when we decided to go for blastocyst we had to thaw them to advance and then re-freeze which can also take away from their quality.
Have a scan scheduled for 25th September, so will hopefully know more about what is happening after that.
Keeping my fingers crossed. If it's meant to be, then it will be :)
Sunday, 15 June 2014
Change of plan
After another unsuccessful transmyometrial transfer (under anesthetic, via needle through the uterine wall), i made an appointment to talk to the Fertility Doctor about my options.
I was reassured that he doesn't believe there is any other reason for me not falling pregnant as yet (apart from my obvious cervical problem) and we decided to grow my embryo's on to blastocyst stage as we still had 10 day 2 frozen embryo's.
He advised that we would likely lose a lot of embryo's in the process (possibly all of them), but if we could get one or more to this stage then it would certainly increase our chances of a successful pregnancy.
I had to go for a blood test to confirm that ovulation had occurred, my results weren't quite what they wanted (low progesterone level of 8 on the day of testing), so ordered another test a couple of days later - thinking that this was going to be a huge let down and another missed cycle, i wasn't holding my breath waiting for the result - it was actually a great result and my progesterone level was within the range that they need to support a growing embryo & hopefully a pregnancy.
Transfer was scheduled for the morning of 4th June at 6.30am. Travelling to my appointment that morning, i did not even know if there would be an embryo to transfer and even after arriving and getting in my hospital gown, it was still another half hour before the scientist came in to let me know how things were going - good news & bad news!! We did infact have one great blastocyst for transfer on that morning, although that's where the good news ended. Out of all 10 of my embryo's, we had the one blastocyst for transfer, 7 had not made it, and we had two that were slow growers that they were going to grow on for another day to see if they would "catch up" (wasn't feeling very hopeful).
The transfer went to plan and we started the long trek home. It just so happened that we were heading to Melbourne that evening for a week of R&R, so after the long trip home i finished packing my bags and then did the trip to the airport.
I got a call from the clinic the next morning regarding my two "iffy" embryo's - it turned out that one infact did make it to blastocyst stage, so has now been re-frozen!
All went well with everything whilst i was on holidays - my boobs began to feel more tender than usual about 3 days after the transfer which i took as a positive sign, even started to get my hopes up that this would be "the one". Once again i decided to do a pregnancy test a couple of days before my period was due, but only one line appeared :(
I couldn't believe that this was happening again :( :(
My fertility specialist is going away on holiday shortly, so we get a month off from this whole horrible process before we try our lucky last transfer. I just can't believe that out of our original 20 day 2 embryo's that we have still not been lucky enough to fall pregnant - especially given that we fell pregnant naturally with our daughter on my second month off the pill (prior to my cancer surgery).
My turn has to be coming soon, surely!!
I was reassured that he doesn't believe there is any other reason for me not falling pregnant as yet (apart from my obvious cervical problem) and we decided to grow my embryo's on to blastocyst stage as we still had 10 day 2 frozen embryo's.
He advised that we would likely lose a lot of embryo's in the process (possibly all of them), but if we could get one or more to this stage then it would certainly increase our chances of a successful pregnancy.
I had to go for a blood test to confirm that ovulation had occurred, my results weren't quite what they wanted (low progesterone level of 8 on the day of testing), so ordered another test a couple of days later - thinking that this was going to be a huge let down and another missed cycle, i wasn't holding my breath waiting for the result - it was actually a great result and my progesterone level was within the range that they need to support a growing embryo & hopefully a pregnancy.
Transfer was scheduled for the morning of 4th June at 6.30am. Travelling to my appointment that morning, i did not even know if there would be an embryo to transfer and even after arriving and getting in my hospital gown, it was still another half hour before the scientist came in to let me know how things were going - good news & bad news!! We did infact have one great blastocyst for transfer on that morning, although that's where the good news ended. Out of all 10 of my embryo's, we had the one blastocyst for transfer, 7 had not made it, and we had two that were slow growers that they were going to grow on for another day to see if they would "catch up" (wasn't feeling very hopeful).
The transfer went to plan and we started the long trek home. It just so happened that we were heading to Melbourne that evening for a week of R&R, so after the long trip home i finished packing my bags and then did the trip to the airport.
I got a call from the clinic the next morning regarding my two "iffy" embryo's - it turned out that one infact did make it to blastocyst stage, so has now been re-frozen!
All went well with everything whilst i was on holidays - my boobs began to feel more tender than usual about 3 days after the transfer which i took as a positive sign, even started to get my hopes up that this would be "the one". Once again i decided to do a pregnancy test a couple of days before my period was due, but only one line appeared :(
I couldn't believe that this was happening again :( :(
My fertility specialist is going away on holiday shortly, so we get a month off from this whole horrible process before we try our lucky last transfer. I just can't believe that out of our original 20 day 2 embryo's that we have still not been lucky enough to fall pregnant - especially given that we fell pregnant naturally with our daughter on my second month off the pill (prior to my cancer surgery).
My turn has to be coming soon, surely!!
Monday, 7 April 2014
Emotions
I had my embryo transfer on 25th March under anesthetic and all went perfectly to plan.
The two week wait surprisingly went quite well for once - obviously had plenty of other things happening to keep my mind off it. I even took a week off work - first real time off work in 3 years!!
I let myself get excited and believe that this transfer would be "the one" and when i tested on 4th April, i just hoped that i would finally get my positive i have been hoping and praying for, unfortunately the test was negative.
I went on thinking that there may still be a "very small chance" i still could be pregnant, so when my period did not show up on 6th April as it should have, i did another test on 7th April which was once again negative.
Finally today, my stupid period has decided to turn up - 2 days late!!! Grrr.
So many emotions going on right now. Wondering what this universe has planned for me - wondering why, after all i have already been through, why this one part can't be easy??? I certainly know that when i do get pregnant that pregnancy is certainly not going to be easy, with the likelihood of extended bed rest.
On the other hand i was extremely excited to find out that someone i had met on facebook that has gone through Cervical Cancer and had the same procedure as me, has given birth to a gorgeous little boy today after defying all odds and making it to 37 weeks in her pregnancy.
Miracles really do happen. I'm just hoping and praying that a second miracle will come my way - look at my little girl (my first miracle) every day and she gives me the strength to pick myself up and go on.
The two week wait surprisingly went quite well for once - obviously had plenty of other things happening to keep my mind off it. I even took a week off work - first real time off work in 3 years!!
I let myself get excited and believe that this transfer would be "the one" and when i tested on 4th April, i just hoped that i would finally get my positive i have been hoping and praying for, unfortunately the test was negative.
I went on thinking that there may still be a "very small chance" i still could be pregnant, so when my period did not show up on 6th April as it should have, i did another test on 7th April which was once again negative.
Finally today, my stupid period has decided to turn up - 2 days late!!! Grrr.
So many emotions going on right now. Wondering what this universe has planned for me - wondering why, after all i have already been through, why this one part can't be easy??? I certainly know that when i do get pregnant that pregnancy is certainly not going to be easy, with the likelihood of extended bed rest.
On the other hand i was extremely excited to find out that someone i had met on facebook that has gone through Cervical Cancer and had the same procedure as me, has given birth to a gorgeous little boy today after defying all odds and making it to 37 weeks in her pregnancy.
Miracles really do happen. I'm just hoping and praying that a second miracle will come my way - look at my little girl (my first miracle) every day and she gives me the strength to pick myself up and go on.
Monday, 17 March 2014
If at first you don't succeed...
Well, a long time since i have posted on here about my journey!
In a nut shell, i am still not pregnant!
I had a 3 day embryo transfer in October 2013 and a 2 day embryo transfer in November 2013. I was going to have another 3 day transfer in December 2013 although i got a call on the way to the clinic advising that the transfer would have to be cancelled as the embryo did not survive!
Had a lovely break for Christmas with friends and family and then tried another 3 day transfer in January 2014 - once again, unsuccessful.
I planned to try for another transfer in February, although the place i go for my scans mucked up and missed my follicle, so by the time we realised what had happened (thought i wasn't actually going to ovulate), it was too late to do a transfer as i had ovulated days and days before hand! Absolutely heartbreaking.
I have just had another scan today, with my largest follicle at around 12mm, so having another scan in 3 days time which will hopefully show that the follicle is over 16mm. We are trying things a different way this time and instead of waiting for my body to ovulate by itself, i will give myself an ovidrel injection once the clinic says, they are also going to do my transfer under anesthetic this time as it is kinder to the embryo (due to all my scar tissue where my cervix is supposed to be) and they can place the embryo directly into the endometrial lining.
Guess i've just gotta trust that they know what they're talking about, and that maybe, just maybe i still have a chance at having another baby.
In a nut shell, i am still not pregnant!
I had a 3 day embryo transfer in October 2013 and a 2 day embryo transfer in November 2013. I was going to have another 3 day transfer in December 2013 although i got a call on the way to the clinic advising that the transfer would have to be cancelled as the embryo did not survive!
Had a lovely break for Christmas with friends and family and then tried another 3 day transfer in January 2014 - once again, unsuccessful.
I planned to try for another transfer in February, although the place i go for my scans mucked up and missed my follicle, so by the time we realised what had happened (thought i wasn't actually going to ovulate), it was too late to do a transfer as i had ovulated days and days before hand! Absolutely heartbreaking.
I have just had another scan today, with my largest follicle at around 12mm, so having another scan in 3 days time which will hopefully show that the follicle is over 16mm. We are trying things a different way this time and instead of waiting for my body to ovulate by itself, i will give myself an ovidrel injection once the clinic says, they are also going to do my transfer under anesthetic this time as it is kinder to the embryo (due to all my scar tissue where my cervix is supposed to be) and they can place the embryo directly into the endometrial lining.
Guess i've just gotta trust that they know what they're talking about, and that maybe, just maybe i still have a chance at having another baby.
Thursday, 5 September 2013
Fertilisation
I phoned first thing on Tuesday 3rd September to see how things were going.
I had originally been told to expect that quite a few of my 28 eggs would not be mature enough for fertilisation, so i was very shocked when i was advised that the scientists had liked all 28 of my eggs and tried to fertilise the lot of them!
20 of them had successfully fertilised! Wow!! I was told to phone again the next day to check how they were going again and that i would likely lose a few that wouldn't survive until the freezing process.
I phoned first thing on Wednesday 4th September again to see how things were going. All 20 of my fertilised embryo's had survived to day 2 and had been frozen!!
Wow, i have 20 chances to become a mother again.
Something is finally going my way again!!
I had originally been told to expect that quite a few of my 28 eggs would not be mature enough for fertilisation, so i was very shocked when i was advised that the scientists had liked all 28 of my eggs and tried to fertilise the lot of them!
20 of them had successfully fertilised! Wow!! I was told to phone again the next day to check how they were going again and that i would likely lose a few that wouldn't survive until the freezing process.
I phoned first thing on Wednesday 4th September again to see how things were going. All 20 of my fertilised embryo's had survived to day 2 and had been frozen!!
Wow, i have 20 chances to become a mother again.
Something is finally going my way again!!
Monday, 2 September 2013
EPU procedure
Monday 2nd September rolled around, we were up bright and early as we had to be at the Hospital by 6am.
We were put into a room and went through all of my details and filled out some paperwork.
The time finally came around for my procedure - i was so so nervous. We were taken to a little waiting room to the side of the Theatre where i was measured & weighed and then had to sit and wait!!
When we were finally taken in, it all happened so quickly - i was asked to lay on the bed and had a needle popped into my hand and then given some oxygen and then i can't remember anything until i woke up.
My husband said i snored throughout the procedure lol - i guess it was because i still wasn't completely over my head cold yet!!
I woke up comfortable and happy - they advise me that they got 28 eggs. WHAT..... 28 eggs, how did that happen!! We were only expecting 22 at best and that was only if the really little ones from my scan had decided to do something special!
As i was so happy and comfortable i was wheeled back around to my room to recover. As i had gotten so many eggs, they were worried about OHSS so we would not be doing an embryo transfer over the coming days. I was a little heartbroken, although i knew it was for the best.
I came through the procedure easily with no medications at all (not even pain relief) and was so hungry they bought some breakfast around for me which i gobbled down quickly also. Within not much time i was up and out of bed and dressed and ready to go!! Apparently this is not normal for someone getting 28 eggs!!
I was told to phone the next morning to find out more about how my eggs were going..
We were put into a room and went through all of my details and filled out some paperwork.
The time finally came around for my procedure - i was so so nervous. We were taken to a little waiting room to the side of the Theatre where i was measured & weighed and then had to sit and wait!!
When we were finally taken in, it all happened so quickly - i was asked to lay on the bed and had a needle popped into my hand and then given some oxygen and then i can't remember anything until i woke up.
My husband said i snored throughout the procedure lol - i guess it was because i still wasn't completely over my head cold yet!!
I woke up comfortable and happy - they advise me that they got 28 eggs. WHAT..... 28 eggs, how did that happen!! We were only expecting 22 at best and that was only if the really little ones from my scan had decided to do something special!
As i was so happy and comfortable i was wheeled back around to my room to recover. As i had gotten so many eggs, they were worried about OHSS so we would not be doing an embryo transfer over the coming days. I was a little heartbroken, although i knew it was for the best.
I came through the procedure easily with no medications at all (not even pain relief) and was so hungry they bought some breakfast around for me which i gobbled down quickly also. Within not much time i was up and out of bed and dressed and ready to go!! Apparently this is not normal for someone getting 28 eggs!!
I was told to phone the next morning to find out more about how my eggs were going..
Nasal sprays and self injecting
In August 2013 i started my synarel nasal spray - one spray in the morning and one spray at night. I tried to make sure i didn't plan anything so that no one needed to see what i was doing and run the risk of having to answer questions!!
I was scheduled for a blood test on 19th August to see if the synarel was doing it's job. I got a call early the next morning to advise that all was great and that i need to start daily injections of Puregon at a dose of 150iu - a small dose as i generally didn't appear to have problems with my eggs and ovulating etc.
I was scheduled for a follow up scan on 29th August to see how things were going.
I hadn't had too many side effects from the medications, apart from some nasty headaches early on - i found that drinking lots of water helped with these and they soon eased though. Didn't help that i had been sick with a nasty head cold for the past 4 weeks also!!!
When my FS did the scan he was extremely happy - looked like i had 12 follicles that were getting close to required size, plus another 10 very small ones (not likely to come to much).
I was scheduled for my EPU procedure for Monday 2nd September!
I took the last of my puregon on Friday night and nasal spray on Saturday morning and then had to have a shot of Ovidrel on Saturday night.
By Sunday night i was feeling very bloated and uncomfortable & extremely nervous for my procedure the next day..
I was scheduled for a blood test on 19th August to see if the synarel was doing it's job. I got a call early the next morning to advise that all was great and that i need to start daily injections of Puregon at a dose of 150iu - a small dose as i generally didn't appear to have problems with my eggs and ovulating etc.
I was scheduled for a follow up scan on 29th August to see how things were going.
I hadn't had too many side effects from the medications, apart from some nasty headaches early on - i found that drinking lots of water helped with these and they soon eased though. Didn't help that i had been sick with a nasty head cold for the past 4 weeks also!!!
When my FS did the scan he was extremely happy - looked like i had 12 follicles that were getting close to required size, plus another 10 very small ones (not likely to come to much).
I was scheduled for my EPU procedure for Monday 2nd September!
I took the last of my puregon on Friday night and nasal spray on Saturday morning and then had to have a shot of Ovidrel on Saturday night.
By Sunday night i was feeling very bloated and uncomfortable & extremely nervous for my procedure the next day..
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Talking IVF
We were scheduled to visit the FS in March 2013 to discuss IVF, although i postponed until May as i had managed to secure full time work for the majority of March & April (as compared to my regular 2 days per week work) and figured that we really needed the work to be able to save up for IVF.
So i worked my butt off and paid off the credit card and really got us into a position to be able to slightly afford it.
We had taken private hospital cover out in January, so had a 12 month waiting period on fertility treatment - not that the private cover saves you much in Australia anyhow.
So all was going to plan and we had our appointment with the FS and also one of the nurses at the end of May. We decided that we were going to be going ahead with treatment and that the nurses would contact me in early July (my FS was going to be on holiday in Paris in June - lucky man!!) and arrange for my medications to be sent to me. During the second week of July when i hadn't heard from them, i decided to phone. I knew that i was supposed to start my medication when my period started and it was only a few days away.
They were a little confused when i rang and said they would talk to my FS and phone me back.
Well, apparently the nurse that i had seen had completely mucked up the process that they were going to use on me!! I thought it was going to be a Flare Cycle although now i was being told it was going to be a Down Regulation Cycle.
Before that phone call I had my hopes up that things were finally going to be happening and we were much closer to having another baby, although this change made me feel like things were being taken out of our reach again!! I was told that my FS preferred this process and that he had far better results from it, so i took that as some comfort.
Then the process began...
So i worked my butt off and paid off the credit card and really got us into a position to be able to slightly afford it.
We had taken private hospital cover out in January, so had a 12 month waiting period on fertility treatment - not that the private cover saves you much in Australia anyhow.
So all was going to plan and we had our appointment with the FS and also one of the nurses at the end of May. We decided that we were going to be going ahead with treatment and that the nurses would contact me in early July (my FS was going to be on holiday in Paris in June - lucky man!!) and arrange for my medications to be sent to me. During the second week of July when i hadn't heard from them, i decided to phone. I knew that i was supposed to start my medication when my period started and it was only a few days away.
They were a little confused when i rang and said they would talk to my FS and phone me back.
Well, apparently the nurse that i had seen had completely mucked up the process that they were going to use on me!! I thought it was going to be a Flare Cycle although now i was being told it was going to be a Down Regulation Cycle.
Before that phone call I had my hopes up that things were finally going to be happening and we were much closer to having another baby, although this change made me feel like things were being taken out of our reach again!! I was told that my FS preferred this process and that he had far better results from it, so i took that as some comfort.
Then the process began...
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Off to the Fertility Specialist
As we had now been trying to get pregnant for quite some time, we finally got our referral to the Fertility Specialist.
At our first visit and going through all of our medical history, he fully believed that the only thing stopping us from getting pregnant was due to the operation on my cervix and the lack of cervical mucous to help transport the semen, aswell as the amount of scarring.
He thought that IUI would be the best option for us. He was a little worried about getting the catheter through my cervix, so at one of my scans before we started he tried it out and got through with no issues. So it was full steam ahead.
We had numerous scans, as my regular clockwork cycle decided to do something different (they said it is quite common when starting any sort of fertility treatment) and then we were scheduled for our first real try at IUI in October 2012.
My FS had a little trouble getting the catheter through, but nothing major and we left feeling hopeful that in a few weeks time i would be pregnant.
It was not to be..
The next month we were set to try again, although my body decided that it didn't even want to ovulate that month, so we got a month off.
In December 2012 we were all set to try again and all was going perfectly until my FS really struggled to get the catheter through my cervix - it took quite some work, but he finally got there. He suggested that if it didn't work this time, then we really needed to be thinking about IVF!
Wow, that really hurt! I never really believed that we would need IVF, and everyone that talked about it also talked about how expensive it was, like thousands and thousands of dollars. How would we ever afford it!
I crossed my fingers and hoped that this round of IUI did the trick and we didn't need the IVF, but things just weren't meant to be..
At our first visit and going through all of our medical history, he fully believed that the only thing stopping us from getting pregnant was due to the operation on my cervix and the lack of cervical mucous to help transport the semen, aswell as the amount of scarring.
He thought that IUI would be the best option for us. He was a little worried about getting the catheter through my cervix, so at one of my scans before we started he tried it out and got through with no issues. So it was full steam ahead.
We had numerous scans, as my regular clockwork cycle decided to do something different (they said it is quite common when starting any sort of fertility treatment) and then we were scheduled for our first real try at IUI in October 2012.
My FS had a little trouble getting the catheter through, but nothing major and we left feeling hopeful that in a few weeks time i would be pregnant.
It was not to be..
The next month we were set to try again, although my body decided that it didn't even want to ovulate that month, so we got a month off.
In December 2012 we were all set to try again and all was going perfectly until my FS really struggled to get the catheter through my cervix - it took quite some work, but he finally got there. He suggested that if it didn't work this time, then we really needed to be thinking about IVF!
Wow, that really hurt! I never really believed that we would need IVF, and everyone that talked about it also talked about how expensive it was, like thousands and thousands of dollars. How would we ever afford it!
I crossed my fingers and hoped that this round of IUI did the trick and we didn't need the IVF, but things just weren't meant to be..
Thursday, 19 July 2012
TTC & more hospitals
After all the ordeals i had been through my specialist gave me the ok to start trying for a baby. With all of my surgeries she thought we may have some trouble, although still highly believed that it could happen without help.
After a couple of months trying i was due for another check up with my Gynae/Onc specialist - she was having trouble getting a good sample of the endo cervical cells from my smear so she scheduled a curette, so back to Hospital again!!
After the curette i was given a request form to get a scan done to check on "abnormal uterus" - WTF, i asked the nurses and they knew nothing about anything. I finally got to speak to my specialist about 5 hours later and she was fuming!! One of the other docs was supposed to have come and spoken to me about it hours before, and they had totally mucked up what was on the request! My specialist was a bit worried that my cyst was back on my ovary and wanted me to have another scan to check it out!
I went for a scan and it confirmed that my cyst was back! It was no where near the size of before, but it was certainly there! It was actually larger than the size where they would normally make the decision to operate (i didn't find this out until much later on!!), but my specialist wanted to leave it as the more times she opened me up and operated on my ovary, the less chance i was going to have at getting pregnant, so we just monitored the cyst over the next 6 months.
Gradually the cyst shrank! Finally something was going my way. Although we still hadn't fallen pregnant yet.
After a couple of months trying i was due for another check up with my Gynae/Onc specialist - she was having trouble getting a good sample of the endo cervical cells from my smear so she scheduled a curette, so back to Hospital again!!
After the curette i was given a request form to get a scan done to check on "abnormal uterus" - WTF, i asked the nurses and they knew nothing about anything. I finally got to speak to my specialist about 5 hours later and she was fuming!! One of the other docs was supposed to have come and spoken to me about it hours before, and they had totally mucked up what was on the request! My specialist was a bit worried that my cyst was back on my ovary and wanted me to have another scan to check it out!
I went for a scan and it confirmed that my cyst was back! It was no where near the size of before, but it was certainly there! It was actually larger than the size where they would normally make the decision to operate (i didn't find this out until much later on!!), but my specialist wanted to leave it as the more times she opened me up and operated on my ovary, the less chance i was going to have at getting pregnant, so we just monitored the cyst over the next 6 months.
Gradually the cyst shrank! Finally something was going my way. Although we still hadn't fallen pregnant yet.
Saturday, 5 March 2011
Getting sick of hospitals
As if what i had already been through wasn't enough!!
Sitting at home one night i had this incredible pain in my back - my husband was already in bed asleep and i really didn't want to wake him up. I took some panadene forte and hoped that things would improve, but after 45 more minutes and the pain only getting worse, i woke him up and we headed to the ER.
After explaining what i had been through the previous year, i was poked & prodded and given some morphine to ease the pain. I was then sent for a CT.
Once the results came back i had a massive cyst. The doctor on duty that night freaked me out and basically made me think the worst was happening and that my cancer had infact spread. They called my specialist from Hobart and sent through the scans for her to look at - she believed that it was only a lymphocyst, caused from the lymphedectomy and nothing to worry about. It was huge though!! The lymphocyst was so big that it was blocking my kidney function which was causing all of my pain (similar pain to having kidney stones). They called my regular gynae in and he put a large needle through my tummy into the cyst and drained almost 2 litres of fluid!!
I was sent home and advised to go back the next day for another scan. The next scan showed that the lymphocyst had again filled up and was almost as big as it had been the day before!!
I was then sent to my specialist in Hobart for her to deal with it. She sent me for a CT aided drainage - so they used the CT scan to find the exact area of the cyst and then put a drain in. I was kept in hospital for a few days until the fluid stopped flowing through into the drain. The i was sent home, hoping that things were finally going to get better.
But no, i spent many nights in and out of the ER and had loads of morphine & endone to deal with the pain. I was scheduled for a CT scan on Wed 2nd March 2011 - i knew the cyst was there and that it was absolutely huge again as i looked like i was pregnant. I had felt like crap and could hardly eat anything without vomiting. I was sent in for my CT and they made me drink some special medicine to help show things up on the scan - within about 20 seconds i had vomited it up everywhere!! How embarrassing!! After they finished the scan i was asked to wait until the had checked my results. I then found out that they were contacting my gp - i was unsure why. I just wanted to get out of there as it was my daughters first birthday that weekend and i had so much stuff to organise!!
When they finally came out to see me i was told to go straight to the ER with no further explanation. Once there i was seen almost straight away and advised that i would be being sent back to my specialist in Hobart as now both of my kidneys were being affected by the cyst which could cause massive complications.
So off we went to Hobart again - i was not allowed to eat or drink anything as i was supposed to be going into surgery later that afternoon or night. The hours ticked by and i was advised that there had been a massive car accident, so the theatre's were all being used for this, but my specialist was still trying to get another theatre opened for me - at 11pm that night i was told that it wouldn't be happening. I was allowed to have some jelly to eat and was put on an iv drip for fluids, but that didn't last for long as once again i would have to fast from midnight as my surgery would be the next day.
I had my surgery around lunch time on the Thursday where my specialist surgically removed the cyst and placed another drain in to make sure that it did not fill back up again.
When my specialist next saw me on the Friday i told her how important it was that i be able to go home for my daughters first birthday which was on the Sunday. She was not overly hopeful that it would happen, but she assured me that if all my obs were stable and all my test results came back good, mainly my kidney function, that she would see what she could do.
On the Saturday morning she rushed through my tests and in the afternoon i was told i could leave - i did still have to have my drain which wasn't great and i was on endone tablets, but i made it home for my daughters birthday.
Sitting at home one night i had this incredible pain in my back - my husband was already in bed asleep and i really didn't want to wake him up. I took some panadene forte and hoped that things would improve, but after 45 more minutes and the pain only getting worse, i woke him up and we headed to the ER.
After explaining what i had been through the previous year, i was poked & prodded and given some morphine to ease the pain. I was then sent for a CT.
Once the results came back i had a massive cyst. The doctor on duty that night freaked me out and basically made me think the worst was happening and that my cancer had infact spread. They called my specialist from Hobart and sent through the scans for her to look at - she believed that it was only a lymphocyst, caused from the lymphedectomy and nothing to worry about. It was huge though!! The lymphocyst was so big that it was blocking my kidney function which was causing all of my pain (similar pain to having kidney stones). They called my regular gynae in and he put a large needle through my tummy into the cyst and drained almost 2 litres of fluid!!
I was sent home and advised to go back the next day for another scan. The next scan showed that the lymphocyst had again filled up and was almost as big as it had been the day before!!
I was then sent to my specialist in Hobart for her to deal with it. She sent me for a CT aided drainage - so they used the CT scan to find the exact area of the cyst and then put a drain in. I was kept in hospital for a few days until the fluid stopped flowing through into the drain. The i was sent home, hoping that things were finally going to get better.
But no, i spent many nights in and out of the ER and had loads of morphine & endone to deal with the pain. I was scheduled for a CT scan on Wed 2nd March 2011 - i knew the cyst was there and that it was absolutely huge again as i looked like i was pregnant. I had felt like crap and could hardly eat anything without vomiting. I was sent in for my CT and they made me drink some special medicine to help show things up on the scan - within about 20 seconds i had vomited it up everywhere!! How embarrassing!! After they finished the scan i was asked to wait until the had checked my results. I then found out that they were contacting my gp - i was unsure why. I just wanted to get out of there as it was my daughters first birthday that weekend and i had so much stuff to organise!!
When they finally came out to see me i was told to go straight to the ER with no further explanation. Once there i was seen almost straight away and advised that i would be being sent back to my specialist in Hobart as now both of my kidneys were being affected by the cyst which could cause massive complications.
So off we went to Hobart again - i was not allowed to eat or drink anything as i was supposed to be going into surgery later that afternoon or night. The hours ticked by and i was advised that there had been a massive car accident, so the theatre's were all being used for this, but my specialist was still trying to get another theatre opened for me - at 11pm that night i was told that it wouldn't be happening. I was allowed to have some jelly to eat and was put on an iv drip for fluids, but that didn't last for long as once again i would have to fast from midnight as my surgery would be the next day.
I had my surgery around lunch time on the Thursday where my specialist surgically removed the cyst and placed another drain in to make sure that it did not fill back up again.
When my specialist next saw me on the Friday i told her how important it was that i be able to go home for my daughters first birthday which was on the Sunday. She was not overly hopeful that it would happen, but she assured me that if all my obs were stable and all my test results came back good, mainly my kidney function, that she would see what she could do.
On the Saturday morning she rushed through my tests and in the afternoon i was told i could leave - i did still have to have my drain which wasn't great and i was on endone tablets, but i made it home for my daughters birthday.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
The nasty C word
I had Cancer.
I was scheduled for an urgent CT scan to make sure my cancer had not spread to lymph nodes or further. I was advised that as long as the CT showed nothing abnormal that we should still be able to go ahead with the radical trachelectomy instead of the hysterectomy.
My CT results were fine, so my surgery date was set for early Nov 2010.
Even though all looked fine from the CT scan - i went into surgery still not knowing if i was having my trachelectomy or a hysterectomy. My specialist had samples sent off for a cold section pathology whilst i was under to make sure that all was ok. If she believed she had clear margins and my lymph nodes were not affected then she would go ahead with the trachelectomy.
I woke up from my surgery and the first thing i asked my nurse was if i had a uterus or not!! and the answer was YES!!!
For those that don't know a radical trachelectomy is basically removal of the entire cervix - the bottom of the uterus (with a tiny bit of cervix) is then reconstructed to make a new cervix. I also had a lymphedectomy (removal of my pelvic & abdominal lymph nodes) just to be safe. My cancer was stage as 1b
So my hope for another child were kept alive.
I spent a week in hospital recovering from my operation - i had a massive cut across my bikini line (a bit longer than what a caesarian scar would be) and a drain coming from another spot on my tummy. I was given lots of morphine and then went to endone tablets and finally panadene forte.
Once i was released i was on strict orders for no housework or lifting for the first 6 weeks and then over the next 6 weeks i had to ease into things (basically the same recovery as a hysterectomy). This meant that i was unable to lift my little girl!!
My family were all a huge support and i was never left on my own. I was lucky enough that my mum could take extended time off work to look after me through the day & my hubby did as much as he could of a night.
I had a follow up in January and all was perfectly fine.
But once again, my life was turned upside down.....
I was scheduled for an urgent CT scan to make sure my cancer had not spread to lymph nodes or further. I was advised that as long as the CT showed nothing abnormal that we should still be able to go ahead with the radical trachelectomy instead of the hysterectomy.
My CT results were fine, so my surgery date was set for early Nov 2010.
Even though all looked fine from the CT scan - i went into surgery still not knowing if i was having my trachelectomy or a hysterectomy. My specialist had samples sent off for a cold section pathology whilst i was under to make sure that all was ok. If she believed she had clear margins and my lymph nodes were not affected then she would go ahead with the trachelectomy.
I woke up from my surgery and the first thing i asked my nurse was if i had a uterus or not!! and the answer was YES!!!
For those that don't know a radical trachelectomy is basically removal of the entire cervix - the bottom of the uterus (with a tiny bit of cervix) is then reconstructed to make a new cervix. I also had a lymphedectomy (removal of my pelvic & abdominal lymph nodes) just to be safe. My cancer was stage as 1b
So my hope for another child were kept alive.
I spent a week in hospital recovering from my operation - i had a massive cut across my bikini line (a bit longer than what a caesarian scar would be) and a drain coming from another spot on my tummy. I was given lots of morphine and then went to endone tablets and finally panadene forte.
Once i was released i was on strict orders for no housework or lifting for the first 6 weeks and then over the next 6 weeks i had to ease into things (basically the same recovery as a hysterectomy). This meant that i was unable to lift my little girl!!
My family were all a huge support and i was never left on my own. I was lucky enough that my mum could take extended time off work to look after me through the day & my hubby did as much as he could of a night.
I had a follow up in January and all was perfectly fine.
But once again, my life was turned upside down.....
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