It still did not feel real - could i really be pregnant. Sure i was tired, crabby & my boobs sure hurt a lot, but i felt like i was living in a dream.
Only two days after my blood test i started spotting - brown spotting. I had quite a lot of it between week 5-6, scary, but at the same time i knew that if something was going wrong, there was nothing much that could be done at this stage anyhow. Between week 6-7 the spotting was much much lighter and only appeared a few times - mainly after opening my bowels, so tried to believe that it was just old blood from implantation or something.
The day of my scan finally arrived - i had convinced myself that something was wrong, so i left my daughter with my mum for the day whilst myself and hubby headed off for our appointment.
After waiting for what felt like forever in the waiting room, we were finally called in.
I told him how nervous i was and he said that even for him, this first scan was the most scary part of the whole process. He said that he would be quick and would tell us straight away if it was good news, or bad.
Well - it was fantastic news!! Baby was growing well and had a very healthy heart beat. Baby was measuring around 1.1cm and heart beat was approx 143bpm.
He even put pictures onto USB for us.
It really was real!!
We do finally have a baby on board!! Now we are completely over the moon. We really had started to believe that this would never happen for us.
My fertility specialist has now referred us to a specialist obgyn and our next scan is scheduled for 19th Nov. I will be classed as a high risk pregnancy, so it is going to be interesting to see how this all pans out.
Will keep you all updated xx
Sunday 9 November 2014
Monday 20 October 2014
Are you sure...
After my transfer i had to use crinone twice daily for 12 days and pregnyl injections every 3 days.
It was the first time i had to use these as this was my first ever fresh transfer.
Let's just say i felt like total CRAP!!!
I knew that these injections would delay my period, and when it still hadn't shown up by test day i was still sure it was on it's way any moment. I even considered not doing my pregnancy test as i was certain of what the result would be - i was ready to ring up the clinic and organise my medicines ready to start again.
But... i thought i'd better do the test as they would ask me about it anyhow. Almost instantly, two lines appeared. No way, it couldn't be possible, it must be a mistake.
I phoned the clinic to advise them and headed to pathology for my blood test. Sure that the result would still say that it wasn't really happening.
When the clinic phoned me with the results though i was absolutely blown away. "are you sitting down" she said over the phone, "yes" i replied - my hcg level was over 1100!! No way, it really was happening - apparently at this stage of pregnancy they only expect a level over 160 - mine was way higher than that!!
I was a crying blubbering mess on the phone - guess they must be used to that though.
So was booked in for my first scan on 6th November - by this stage i would be 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
It was the first time i had to use these as this was my first ever fresh transfer.
Let's just say i felt like total CRAP!!!
I knew that these injections would delay my period, and when it still hadn't shown up by test day i was still sure it was on it's way any moment. I even considered not doing my pregnancy test as i was certain of what the result would be - i was ready to ring up the clinic and organise my medicines ready to start again.
But... i thought i'd better do the test as they would ask me about it anyhow. Almost instantly, two lines appeared. No way, it couldn't be possible, it must be a mistake.
I phoned the clinic to advise them and headed to pathology for my blood test. Sure that the result would still say that it wasn't really happening.
When the clinic phoned me with the results though i was absolutely blown away. "are you sitting down" she said over the phone, "yes" i replied - my hcg level was over 1100!! No way, it really was happening - apparently at this stage of pregnancy they only expect a level over 160 - mine was way higher than that!!
I was a crying blubbering mess on the phone - guess they must be used to that though.
So was booked in for my first scan on 6th November - by this stage i would be 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
Friday 26 September 2014
More disappointmets
So at my scan on 25th September it appeared that my new lower dosage of medications meant that my ovaries have "underperformed" and only 2 follicles looking like they will do anything. How do we go from 28 eggs the cycle before, to only two this time!!
After a lot of consideration from my fertility specialist, and the threaten to cancel the cycle, he agreed to up my medications slightly and re-scan in a few days to see if we had anything else happening.
Had my re-scan on Monday 29th September and looked like we had around 8-10 follicles, which was a minor miracle after only having two a few days before!
Agreed to trigger shot that night ready for pick up on Wednesday morning.
Wednesday came and i was feeling extremely hopeful. I came out of theatre and was told that they only got 5 eggs!! Only 5, my heart shattered again, but i tried to remain positive.
I was advised of the usual procedure - phone in the next day to see how fertilisation had gone. I made my phone call, quietly hopeful, but was told only to eggs had fertilised!!
I was absolutely heartbroken. We were booked in for embryo transfer the next day, and i was sure that there wasn't going to be anything there to even transfer. I had my heart set on having a blastocyst transfer, but there was no way we could risk growing on only two embryo's to that stage.
After the 3 hour plus drive to the hospital on the Friday morning i was absolutely shocked that my phone did not ring during the trip (to tell me my embryo's had not survived), and on arrival was told that both embryo's were doing well - one to be transferred and one headed to the freezer.
The whole cycle was a crazy mess and even when i finally got called into Theatre for my transfer, it still felt like a mess - i didn't even have a bed yet as they had so many patients in there that morning! Everything felt to rushed, so much so that i wasn't even asleep when the doctor inserted the needle for the embryo - ooops, said the anesthetist and injected some more drugs. I even woke up while they were transferring me from the Theatre bed to a hospital bed to take me to recovery. Of all my times in Theatre, this had never happened before.
I had basically completely given up on this cycle before it even started - i had no confidence at all.
After a lot of consideration from my fertility specialist, and the threaten to cancel the cycle, he agreed to up my medications slightly and re-scan in a few days to see if we had anything else happening.
Had my re-scan on Monday 29th September and looked like we had around 8-10 follicles, which was a minor miracle after only having two a few days before!
Agreed to trigger shot that night ready for pick up on Wednesday morning.
Wednesday came and i was feeling extremely hopeful. I came out of theatre and was told that they only got 5 eggs!! Only 5, my heart shattered again, but i tried to remain positive.
I was advised of the usual procedure - phone in the next day to see how fertilisation had gone. I made my phone call, quietly hopeful, but was told only to eggs had fertilised!!
I was absolutely heartbroken. We were booked in for embryo transfer the next day, and i was sure that there wasn't going to be anything there to even transfer. I had my heart set on having a blastocyst transfer, but there was no way we could risk growing on only two embryo's to that stage.
After the 3 hour plus drive to the hospital on the Friday morning i was absolutely shocked that my phone did not ring during the trip (to tell me my embryo's had not survived), and on arrival was told that both embryo's were doing well - one to be transferred and one headed to the freezer.
The whole cycle was a crazy mess and even when i finally got called into Theatre for my transfer, it still felt like a mess - i didn't even have a bed yet as they had so many patients in there that morning! Everything felt to rushed, so much so that i wasn't even asleep when the doctor inserted the needle for the embryo - ooops, said the anesthetist and injected some more drugs. I even woke up while they were transferring me from the Theatre bed to a hospital bed to take me to recovery. Of all my times in Theatre, this had never happened before.
I had basically completely given up on this cycle before it even started - i had no confidence at all.
Tuesday 16 September 2014
And so it begins again
So after my unsuccessful embryo transfer in June it was time for me to look at my situation and work out where to from here!!
I spoke to one of my Gynae Oncologists to get some reassurance that everything was ok - he said he had no doubt that all was ok. He also said that some women have problems conceiving a second time after a completely normal pregnancy anyhow, but my case is further compounded by having had such a major surgery. He has complete confidence in my fertility specialist, so that was certainly reassuring.
After all of the events of the past few years, we decided that it was time to have a short break from it all - only a couple of months, but that couple of months was enough time for me to "look at the bigger picture". Emotionally now i feel much more stable - i am now comfortable with the fact that the universe has something in store for me, who knows what, or why. I am so lucky to have my beautiful daughter already and even though i am going to continue to try for another baby in the short term, i am also comfortable with the fact that this may not happen for me.
We still have one frozen blastocyst, although decided to give ourselves the best chance possible we would leave that little one on ice for a bit longer and try for a fresh transfer.
This time my fertility specialist has decided on a "Pill Flare Cycle" for me. I was on the pill for two weeks, then had to wait for my period to arrive (which happened yesterday) - so tonight i start nightly injections of Puregon - my dosage is only 100 this time though, as last time it was 150 and we got far too many eggs which potentially caused problems with the quality of them. On day 6 of my cycle i need to start Orgalutran injections.
We are also going to grow all of my embryo's straight on to blastocyst stage this time - last time they were all frozen at 2 days old, and then when we decided to go for blastocyst we had to thaw them to advance and then re-freeze which can also take away from their quality.
Have a scan scheduled for 25th September, so will hopefully know more about what is happening after that.
Keeping my fingers crossed. If it's meant to be, then it will be :)
I spoke to one of my Gynae Oncologists to get some reassurance that everything was ok - he said he had no doubt that all was ok. He also said that some women have problems conceiving a second time after a completely normal pregnancy anyhow, but my case is further compounded by having had such a major surgery. He has complete confidence in my fertility specialist, so that was certainly reassuring.
After all of the events of the past few years, we decided that it was time to have a short break from it all - only a couple of months, but that couple of months was enough time for me to "look at the bigger picture". Emotionally now i feel much more stable - i am now comfortable with the fact that the universe has something in store for me, who knows what, or why. I am so lucky to have my beautiful daughter already and even though i am going to continue to try for another baby in the short term, i am also comfortable with the fact that this may not happen for me.
We still have one frozen blastocyst, although decided to give ourselves the best chance possible we would leave that little one on ice for a bit longer and try for a fresh transfer.
This time my fertility specialist has decided on a "Pill Flare Cycle" for me. I was on the pill for two weeks, then had to wait for my period to arrive (which happened yesterday) - so tonight i start nightly injections of Puregon - my dosage is only 100 this time though, as last time it was 150 and we got far too many eggs which potentially caused problems with the quality of them. On day 6 of my cycle i need to start Orgalutran injections.
We are also going to grow all of my embryo's straight on to blastocyst stage this time - last time they were all frozen at 2 days old, and then when we decided to go for blastocyst we had to thaw them to advance and then re-freeze which can also take away from their quality.
Have a scan scheduled for 25th September, so will hopefully know more about what is happening after that.
Keeping my fingers crossed. If it's meant to be, then it will be :)
Sunday 15 June 2014
Change of plan
After another unsuccessful transmyometrial transfer (under anesthetic, via needle through the uterine wall), i made an appointment to talk to the Fertility Doctor about my options.
I was reassured that he doesn't believe there is any other reason for me not falling pregnant as yet (apart from my obvious cervical problem) and we decided to grow my embryo's on to blastocyst stage as we still had 10 day 2 frozen embryo's.
He advised that we would likely lose a lot of embryo's in the process (possibly all of them), but if we could get one or more to this stage then it would certainly increase our chances of a successful pregnancy.
I had to go for a blood test to confirm that ovulation had occurred, my results weren't quite what they wanted (low progesterone level of 8 on the day of testing), so ordered another test a couple of days later - thinking that this was going to be a huge let down and another missed cycle, i wasn't holding my breath waiting for the result - it was actually a great result and my progesterone level was within the range that they need to support a growing embryo & hopefully a pregnancy.
Transfer was scheduled for the morning of 4th June at 6.30am. Travelling to my appointment that morning, i did not even know if there would be an embryo to transfer and even after arriving and getting in my hospital gown, it was still another half hour before the scientist came in to let me know how things were going - good news & bad news!! We did infact have one great blastocyst for transfer on that morning, although that's where the good news ended. Out of all 10 of my embryo's, we had the one blastocyst for transfer, 7 had not made it, and we had two that were slow growers that they were going to grow on for another day to see if they would "catch up" (wasn't feeling very hopeful).
The transfer went to plan and we started the long trek home. It just so happened that we were heading to Melbourne that evening for a week of R&R, so after the long trip home i finished packing my bags and then did the trip to the airport.
I got a call from the clinic the next morning regarding my two "iffy" embryo's - it turned out that one infact did make it to blastocyst stage, so has now been re-frozen!
All went well with everything whilst i was on holidays - my boobs began to feel more tender than usual about 3 days after the transfer which i took as a positive sign, even started to get my hopes up that this would be "the one". Once again i decided to do a pregnancy test a couple of days before my period was due, but only one line appeared :(
I couldn't believe that this was happening again :( :(
My fertility specialist is going away on holiday shortly, so we get a month off from this whole horrible process before we try our lucky last transfer. I just can't believe that out of our original 20 day 2 embryo's that we have still not been lucky enough to fall pregnant - especially given that we fell pregnant naturally with our daughter on my second month off the pill (prior to my cancer surgery).
My turn has to be coming soon, surely!!
I was reassured that he doesn't believe there is any other reason for me not falling pregnant as yet (apart from my obvious cervical problem) and we decided to grow my embryo's on to blastocyst stage as we still had 10 day 2 frozen embryo's.
He advised that we would likely lose a lot of embryo's in the process (possibly all of them), but if we could get one or more to this stage then it would certainly increase our chances of a successful pregnancy.
I had to go for a blood test to confirm that ovulation had occurred, my results weren't quite what they wanted (low progesterone level of 8 on the day of testing), so ordered another test a couple of days later - thinking that this was going to be a huge let down and another missed cycle, i wasn't holding my breath waiting for the result - it was actually a great result and my progesterone level was within the range that they need to support a growing embryo & hopefully a pregnancy.
Transfer was scheduled for the morning of 4th June at 6.30am. Travelling to my appointment that morning, i did not even know if there would be an embryo to transfer and even after arriving and getting in my hospital gown, it was still another half hour before the scientist came in to let me know how things were going - good news & bad news!! We did infact have one great blastocyst for transfer on that morning, although that's where the good news ended. Out of all 10 of my embryo's, we had the one blastocyst for transfer, 7 had not made it, and we had two that were slow growers that they were going to grow on for another day to see if they would "catch up" (wasn't feeling very hopeful).
The transfer went to plan and we started the long trek home. It just so happened that we were heading to Melbourne that evening for a week of R&R, so after the long trip home i finished packing my bags and then did the trip to the airport.
I got a call from the clinic the next morning regarding my two "iffy" embryo's - it turned out that one infact did make it to blastocyst stage, so has now been re-frozen!
All went well with everything whilst i was on holidays - my boobs began to feel more tender than usual about 3 days after the transfer which i took as a positive sign, even started to get my hopes up that this would be "the one". Once again i decided to do a pregnancy test a couple of days before my period was due, but only one line appeared :(
I couldn't believe that this was happening again :( :(
My fertility specialist is going away on holiday shortly, so we get a month off from this whole horrible process before we try our lucky last transfer. I just can't believe that out of our original 20 day 2 embryo's that we have still not been lucky enough to fall pregnant - especially given that we fell pregnant naturally with our daughter on my second month off the pill (prior to my cancer surgery).
My turn has to be coming soon, surely!!
Monday 7 April 2014
Emotions
I had my embryo transfer on 25th March under anesthetic and all went perfectly to plan.
The two week wait surprisingly went quite well for once - obviously had plenty of other things happening to keep my mind off it. I even took a week off work - first real time off work in 3 years!!
I let myself get excited and believe that this transfer would be "the one" and when i tested on 4th April, i just hoped that i would finally get my positive i have been hoping and praying for, unfortunately the test was negative.
I went on thinking that there may still be a "very small chance" i still could be pregnant, so when my period did not show up on 6th April as it should have, i did another test on 7th April which was once again negative.
Finally today, my stupid period has decided to turn up - 2 days late!!! Grrr.
So many emotions going on right now. Wondering what this universe has planned for me - wondering why, after all i have already been through, why this one part can't be easy??? I certainly know that when i do get pregnant that pregnancy is certainly not going to be easy, with the likelihood of extended bed rest.
On the other hand i was extremely excited to find out that someone i had met on facebook that has gone through Cervical Cancer and had the same procedure as me, has given birth to a gorgeous little boy today after defying all odds and making it to 37 weeks in her pregnancy.
Miracles really do happen. I'm just hoping and praying that a second miracle will come my way - look at my little girl (my first miracle) every day and she gives me the strength to pick myself up and go on.
The two week wait surprisingly went quite well for once - obviously had plenty of other things happening to keep my mind off it. I even took a week off work - first real time off work in 3 years!!
I let myself get excited and believe that this transfer would be "the one" and when i tested on 4th April, i just hoped that i would finally get my positive i have been hoping and praying for, unfortunately the test was negative.
I went on thinking that there may still be a "very small chance" i still could be pregnant, so when my period did not show up on 6th April as it should have, i did another test on 7th April which was once again negative.
Finally today, my stupid period has decided to turn up - 2 days late!!! Grrr.
So many emotions going on right now. Wondering what this universe has planned for me - wondering why, after all i have already been through, why this one part can't be easy??? I certainly know that when i do get pregnant that pregnancy is certainly not going to be easy, with the likelihood of extended bed rest.
On the other hand i was extremely excited to find out that someone i had met on facebook that has gone through Cervical Cancer and had the same procedure as me, has given birth to a gorgeous little boy today after defying all odds and making it to 37 weeks in her pregnancy.
Miracles really do happen. I'm just hoping and praying that a second miracle will come my way - look at my little girl (my first miracle) every day and she gives me the strength to pick myself up and go on.
Monday 17 March 2014
If at first you don't succeed...
Well, a long time since i have posted on here about my journey!
In a nut shell, i am still not pregnant!
I had a 3 day embryo transfer in October 2013 and a 2 day embryo transfer in November 2013. I was going to have another 3 day transfer in December 2013 although i got a call on the way to the clinic advising that the transfer would have to be cancelled as the embryo did not survive!
Had a lovely break for Christmas with friends and family and then tried another 3 day transfer in January 2014 - once again, unsuccessful.
I planned to try for another transfer in February, although the place i go for my scans mucked up and missed my follicle, so by the time we realised what had happened (thought i wasn't actually going to ovulate), it was too late to do a transfer as i had ovulated days and days before hand! Absolutely heartbreaking.
I have just had another scan today, with my largest follicle at around 12mm, so having another scan in 3 days time which will hopefully show that the follicle is over 16mm. We are trying things a different way this time and instead of waiting for my body to ovulate by itself, i will give myself an ovidrel injection once the clinic says, they are also going to do my transfer under anesthetic this time as it is kinder to the embryo (due to all my scar tissue where my cervix is supposed to be) and they can place the embryo directly into the endometrial lining.
Guess i've just gotta trust that they know what they're talking about, and that maybe, just maybe i still have a chance at having another baby.
In a nut shell, i am still not pregnant!
I had a 3 day embryo transfer in October 2013 and a 2 day embryo transfer in November 2013. I was going to have another 3 day transfer in December 2013 although i got a call on the way to the clinic advising that the transfer would have to be cancelled as the embryo did not survive!
Had a lovely break for Christmas with friends and family and then tried another 3 day transfer in January 2014 - once again, unsuccessful.
I planned to try for another transfer in February, although the place i go for my scans mucked up and missed my follicle, so by the time we realised what had happened (thought i wasn't actually going to ovulate), it was too late to do a transfer as i had ovulated days and days before hand! Absolutely heartbreaking.
I have just had another scan today, with my largest follicle at around 12mm, so having another scan in 3 days time which will hopefully show that the follicle is over 16mm. We are trying things a different way this time and instead of waiting for my body to ovulate by itself, i will give myself an ovidrel injection once the clinic says, they are also going to do my transfer under anesthetic this time as it is kinder to the embryo (due to all my scar tissue where my cervix is supposed to be) and they can place the embryo directly into the endometrial lining.
Guess i've just gotta trust that they know what they're talking about, and that maybe, just maybe i still have a chance at having another baby.
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